One Girl's Musings
by Lonestarr
Summary: Sometimes, people get hurt; that's why it's called a crush.


Disclaimer: There is nothing wrong with your computer screen (that a good wipedown couldn't fix). I control what you see in and absorb from this story. I don't own "Kim Possible", though: you'd have to talk to Bob Schooley, Mark McCorkle and the people at Disney about that.

(...a bedroom...)

Ask around all you like. Talk to whomever you want. I have no reason to deny it. I loved him. No, strike that. I love him. Love, present tense, in the now. For so very long, I was hoping that something would happen. Like my grandfather used to say, 'You can hope in one hand and spit in the other and see which one gets filled first'. (Well, it wasn't exactly those words; what he _really_ said was way too gross.) I tried to forget about him. I mean, there are plenty of other guys in the school. I remember when I dated Brick. Despite a few bumps, it was a pretty good relationship. One time, we broke up; he can be so insensitive sometimes. I saw this as my opportunity, my big chance. At the dance, I went up to him and told him how I felt. He was with someone at the time. He gave me a kiss on the cheek...just like the one I gave him when he saved my life. Sometimes, I can't tell if I dreamed the kiss he gave me or if it really happened. There's a good chance I dreamt it; he's never really been so forward. I got to talking with some of the other cheerleaders some time later. I find out that he didn't even know I liked him. And whose fault is that?! I can point to three individuals:

Bonnie. I knew she'd disapprove. She always hated him. Uhhhh, why am I so fixated on the opinions of others? Especially hers. Why does she hold such sway over the school? In a perfect world, people would do as they please without others sniping at them. I remember that time when we were captured. I can hear a speedboat rev up in the distance. I may have been a little hasty in judging him, but she was worse: "...so he could totally ditch us!" Maybe he was trying to ditch _you_. You ever think of that?

Kim. In my dream that may or may not have happened, I congratulated her and told her how lucky she was to have him. Maybe I always knew, but I was too love-struck to see it clearly. Later on, I heard about another incident: Kim was on this crazy rollercoaster of emotions, and he was stuck in the middle of it. She fell - hard - for him. Some say it was meant to be, others say it was a rebound relationship and there are those who claim it to be the work of some mood-altering chip. Whatever the reason, they may be good friends, but some of what I've heard doesn't really support it. One time, at another dance (which really happened, I swear), he was stuck in a closet. He tried to call her for help, but she just kept on dancing. From what I understand, he was in there all weekend! Another time, she was in danger of disappearing completely, and only a rare plant could save her. Her "true love" was in the jungle risking his life to find it, yet she dated another...which was just the thing to ensure her disappearance. I can't think of such an act of putrescence. I didn't even know I knew that word. Probably picked it up from a movie.

And of course, the third person. I'm very close to this one. Every time I walk in a room, there she is. Every time I make a move...every time I look in the mirror, there she is. I should've told him. Sure, he has another. I have another. That's that. Like the song goes, 'If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with'. Don't get me wrong: I love Josh, but I can't help but wonder what might've been. He's a nice enough guy, but I can't believe that Kim could barely string two sentences together around him - Josh, I mean. Sure, he's cute and so laid-back. Pity she couldn't loosen up around him. Then again, fighting wackos around the world would get me wound up, too. I'll always regret never telling him. Who knows what the future will hold, but here in the present, one thing is sure: I, Tara Marie St. James, will always love--

Ugh! The phone's ringing. That's probably Josh, wanting to ask me on a date. I leap off my bed to answer it. Before I pick up, let me just say this: Ron, I will always love you, and Kim, please be good to him. After all he's been through, he deserves it.

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A/N: This fic came from a combination of elements: a little mention of Tara in a recent story here, a recent viewing of "Emotion Sickness" there. For the record, this is not - I repeat, _not_ - a parody or takeoff or anything of captainkodak1's exceptional "I am" stories. There's a bit more angst here than you'd find in one of those stories. Also, this is sort an off-shoot of a story I wrote a long time ago, "Hearts Afire", which I hope you also read. My reasoning behind this story: while I support Ron/Kim, I also really like the idea of Ron/Tara. I wanted to make her still kind of lovesick, as opposed to plain sick. She recognizes that she lost her chance, but her torch won't go out so easily.

As always, thanks for reviewing, look for the references and have a nice day.


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